Good Times.

    Last summer, Travis and I went to the Bonnaroo Music Festival and, believe it or not, I worked as a security guard! Who know little me could cut somebody if she needed to? We drove down to NYC to catch a bus the last week of June and barely made it. Just one wrong turn made us almost miss the bus. Luckily, they waited and we were the last two to board. We even had to ask two girls to switch so we could sit together. What else would I have done if he wasn't there next to me during the shitty film after shitty film the bus drivers insisted on showing. Something tells me they bought these flicks at the $5 and Under bin at WalMart. One of the more memorable shouts from the back of the bus was when a boy with a barely perceptible feminine side, shouted "Babe City!" when Orlando Bloom came on the screen for the first time in, what I think is a major candidate for worst movie ever, Elizabethtown.

Some of the other candidates, interestingly enough, were also showed on this bus trip:

1- Bewitched - with Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman. Also, this DVD must have gotten roughed up pretty bad somewhere along the rode, my guess is by someone who also hated this movie. The voices were slightly off the entire movie and I couldn't help but feel a motion sickness in addition to the motion sickness I already had for riding in a bus for 30 hours, sleeping for most of them.

2- Harold and Maude - I've actually heard recently that this movie is pretty good, but I have to say, I really didn't have a clue as to what was going on. My cousin even got this movie for me for Christmas, but haven't watched it yet. Maybe I should try it out soon.

3- New York Minute - Yes, it's true. And get this ---some kids on the bus brought it so they could watch it! And since it was a movie, it was obviously over the allotted half hour slot we usually had to put up with watching Full House back in the day.

I mentioned that I slept for 28 of the 30 hours it took to get back to NYC after Bonnaroo was over. That was because Travis and I worked 12 hour night shifts there, 3 out of the 5 nights we were there. We worked 8 to 8, and when we finished a shift, a golf cart would come pick us up and drive us back to the staff tent area where we'd grab a quick breakfast and hurry to bed before it got too hot to sleep, around noon. We were fortunate enough to pitch our tent in another large air-conditioned tent, but it still got to be about 90 in there in the day.

The one night we didn't work, we were supposed to. They scheduled us even though we requested it off when they hired us. Beck and Radiohead were playing that night, and we couldn't miss it, so we missed out on a nights' pay instead. Even though both were still pretty new to me, I knew I'd appreciate them more after this, and I definitely do. Also, this was night 4 and by that time, I was undoubtedly beginning to smell a little ripe as I had not had access to what I consider a "showerable shower." On one of our many meanderings around the campgrounds, Travis and I came across this giant mushroom that served as a public shower for all the other sweaty hippies. So right before the Beck concert, I stood under the mushroom in my bathing suit and washed my hair.

Bonnaroo definitely left a lasting impression on me, so that's why me and Travis decided to go back. They just announced the bands and The Flaming Lips and White Stripes will be there. Not to mention The Police and Martha Wainwright.  Well, here's the link.
We're not going to work this year, because Utica College decided not to take advantage of me for once after I walked through the door today. Excess loan money is on the way in check form with my name on it! And it's going to help fund our travels this summer.

Other than Bonnaroo, which was just decided today that we were going to go, we had already planned a cross-country road trip for this summer and every last dime we could put aside, we did and still are. Our plans are to head Northwest after we hopefully make a stop in Vermont to visit Amee', into Canada then down into the Dakotas, Wyoming and Montana and possibly Oregon. After going on my first camping trip this past August, I've become a big fan of it, so that's what we're planning to do most of the way with a few exceptions of staying with friends or friends of friends along the way, and a motel every now and then for a "showerable shower." With camping, we have the option of sleeping in a tent or my car if we need to. We're used to it, being that we slept in it many a night, sleeping under the soft orange glow and dull buzzing of the Home Depot sign, in a few different locations.
And the other day, Brian invited us to visit him in Washington DC over Spring Break. Travis's sister lives there too so we're going to be in the company of awesome people in a place other than here. It'll help my wintertime blues, I think.

Travis's dad is going to show us how to fish before we go, and I'm looking forward to the experience. Travis and Erin can't believe that I've grown up without ever fishing before, or having a bonfire or hearing coyotes howl after sunset. I'm happy to be experiencing these things. Being surrounded by nature makes me happy. Did I mention what a clear sky is like out here? I've never seen so many stars. I also enjoy having a huge yard with flowers and little gardens everywhere. Charles and Christy are our downstairs neighbors, and she's into gardening and let me pick flowers for the apartment anytime I wanted. We're thinking about putting in a vegetable garden as soon as all of this freakin' snow melts!

This entry is reminding me of so many good times I've had in the last year...

Like my birthday. It lasted a week! And barbecues almost every night! Charles and Christy had a big party with a chili cookoff, which is just what the three hungover ladies needed after a night of steady drinking and dancing at Space26! 
Or the first time I hung out with Charles and Christy. They were sitting outside at their little tiki bar thing and were about to have a little chat with Ben and they invited me to join them. I took an instant liking to both of them, some of the greatest people I've ever met.
I've also met some great people over the past year as well, many of who hung out with us in our abode. Like Greg and Erin and Travis and I playing Twister and drinking heavily. Or Jared and his cousin stopping by for my birthday and a little star-gazing and bug-burning.

More recently, Travis and I have had many memorable days here in the apartment, being snowed in for 3 days. Our road was closed, because it's a big open highway with unbelievable wind drifts that impair your ability to see anything other than sheer white. It's eerie, transcendental almost.  We braved the storm and went and picked Erin up one day, along with a bottle of Bacardi Rose (ping!) and some movies we picked up at the library. Also while snowed in, I discovered an enjoyment for the game Grand Theft Auto, I tried out new recipes, and read my book. It was nice not to have school or work for 3 days on the account of the snow.

I'm equally excited for the times ahead as I am for the ones that have passed.

a little walk down memory lane...

Sooooooo! It's been a REALLY long time!

I left because I was slightly perturbed at the audacity AOL had to advertise on my personal little blog here, seeing as how I pay for AOL (used to, anyway) I thought it was shady that they decided to try to make moola off my personal thoughts and musings. But now that I recovered my old screen name using the AIM service, I'm allowed to write in here again! And for free, so it doesn't matter what they try to sell you on the expense of my journal.

Now that I got that out of the way...allow me to give a quick update since my last entry December 2005...2005! Alot has happened since then. Let's see....I moved out of my parents house at the ripe old age of 20 about a year ago. From there, I moved in with my best lady buddy Erin and lived on her bedroom floor for a few months. I also lived in my car when I finally got one! At the end of May, Travis and I moved in together and he decided that he'd stay in the area for college. Speaking of college, I have one more semester after this and I officially have a Bachelors Degree in Liberal Studies.

Tis all for now. Hopefully an entry will be soon to come!

on second thought

What kind of change is irreversible? Knowing you can always go back makes it easier to leave in the first place.

I'm reconsidering.

my new home

I'm advertisement free over at the UK edition of AOL.

Come visit Marissa's New Journal

I've also got a new screen name I'm trying out, but am keeping this one for a short period of adjustment just in case I don't like change and get uncomfortable.

Egg, it's been fun. <3

Ghost Town

meloncholy | Aimee Mann

Okay, so here's my take this whole situation.

Apparently since my updates have been far and few these last weeks, I haven't noticed the oversized banners flashing and running amok on top of my journal's head. But the greedy AOL execs using my collection of thoughts as a form of advertisement has been brought to my attention through some of my favorite journals that were formerly located in our close-knit little community. These journals packed up their thoughts and words and what was left of their hope and moved on to different non-AOL journaling services. I will be doing the same.

I will leave my new address when I get there and settled in.

Am I sad to leave this journal behind? The one I wrote in for 2 years and 2 days?

Absolutely.

But this just shows me that it's time for a little change.

get out your violins...

nothingness | Aimee Mann Invisible Ink

I feel like updating but I don't feel like I have much to say.

I went to the movies last night with my friend Megan to see "Derailed." Let me just say, the previews were totally misleading. The movie was horrifying. P.S. Clive Owen = hawt.

Has anyone else caught the inane one-word pseudonym for Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn and thier coupling? Grab a hose, folks, 'cause Vaughniston is heating up! As if Bennifer wasn't bad enough. What's next? Brangelina?

Ree-diculous.

I've been listening to Aimee Mann on a loop. I love her voice. I love the words. Her music and lyrics have made me miss writing poetry. I don't know why I haven't written in so long. Lack of inspiration, I suppose. And laziness.

I've found that doing stuff interrupts my laziness.

And as of late, I find myself becoming more and more of a Depresserella. I don't like it. I don't know if it's because I'm just bored with everything or if I'm still upset about John or if I've been thinking too much. Nothing feels worth it.

And let's face it. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. I'm the fictitious cheese that stands alone. So on top of just feeling all-around morose, I feel a heavy sort of shame, too, toward my friends who have to listen to me and to my family, who have to live with me.

I'm not sure of what to do, really. What other options are there aside from medicine and therapy? My mom told me to go out for a walk and boost my seretonin levels. I think my seretonin level has been a steady 0 since the age of 5.

I'm pretty positive that nobody wants to date someone who is a complete basketcase. (what exactly is the functional purpose of a basket case? is there such a thing?)

I'm also quite sure that none of you want to read someone's depressing blog, either.

I have made the conscious decision that one day, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I would love to say "can't complain," and actually mean it.

Work has been stressful. It's Christmas time already there, so I've already had my fair share of potted silk poinsettas and light-up snowmen with high speed blinker setting. I've also been butting heads with one of my coworkers that I hate. My boss and I, however, totally bonded recently and she told me what a great worker I was. It made me giggle like a schoolgirl again.

In speaking of school,I would like to proudly announce that I have transferred to a college that I will start full-time at in January! I am quite excited.

Okay. This is the time in the morning where I have to talk myself out of bed. "Come on, Marissa. You can do it. There's a whole day ahead of me. And hopefully somewhere in that day there's a cup of coffee with your name on it..."

 

boys come and go...

sad | Aimee Mann

So I haven't been feeling chatty lately. That Seasonal Affective Whatever may have kicked in. And it's kicking my butt.

I can honestly say, at this juncture, I am very unhappy. (suprise!) It bothers me to the very core that this is happening again. And the fact that I know I'm on the verge of a possible depression is enough for me to scream.

John and I are over. As quickly as it began...it's done. I'm not sure if it's over forever over, but for now it is.

The whole thing, while it lasted, seemed like a tease. How nice it was to be with somebody again. I'm sad it's over and I'm reallllllly going to miss him. (you can tell by the multiple lllll's that I will miss him allllllllot.)

I've been sleeping on this old-but-new-to-me antique couch I bought last week. And in honor of my ex-boyfriend's engagement to the girl he broke up with me for, I bought a nice TV to go with it.

Yep. You read that right. The boy I was sulking over when I started this journal two years ago is engaged. To a girl my age.

"The future bride has a degree in dance and exercise physiology. The couple resides in Albany."

HOW NICE FOR THEM!

God oh God am I bitter about this. My stomach is all in knots.

And inevitably I've began to question my self-worth because of it.

Picture it: Breakfast this morning with Anthony. I calmly sit at our table and open the paper to the Wedding Announcements.

Me: Ready for this?

Anthony's always ready for this.

I slide it over to his side of the table. I can see the happy couple freaking glowing from behind my sunglasses. I vomit a little bit in my mouth.

Anthony: So? He's engaged. Big deal.

Me: Big deal!? It is a big deal! She's my age! I want to get married!

Anthony: You don't want to get married.

Me: So? It'd be nice to be asked! It's not like John would marry me. Of course he was engaged before...

Anthony: Why are you even talking about this? Why do you want every guy to marry you?

Me: I don't want every guy to marry me. I just want one that would like to. I don't think I'd be bad tobe married to. I'm fun. (getting teary-eyed)

Anthony: You're so unrealistic. Not every guy is going to be the one.

Me: Why not? Why is everyone getting married and having babies? And I have a couch and no one to share it with. Besides, I never said I wanted to marry him.

Anthony: Bullshit! I can remember countless times you said you'd move to Albany with him and marry him. AND! I specifically remember an occasion when you said you would get a tattoo of his initials on your body!

Me: Did not!

Anthony: Did so! Shut down!

Me: I hate myself.

Anthony: Why? Because he's getting married? He's not even good looking! His head is HUGE, Mar. You can do better.

Me: All of the relationships I have been in that haven't worked out all had the common denominator of me. Maybe there's something wrong with me.

Anthony: Um, maybe there's something wrong with all of them. Don't blame it on yourself, sometimes things don't work out.

Me: Things never work out.

Anthony: Look at who you've dated! That boy when you were 13...

Me: We were 15 and very much in love! We dated for 2 years!

Anthony: Well whatever. And then you dated (name withheld to protect the gayness) and you don't ever have to worry about him getting engaged since it's illegal in the USA anyway. And now John...

Me: Don't forget Mario.

Anthony: You guys were never official.

Me: True. But I did really think he was the one.

Anthony: I've known you for a long time and you always felt someone was the one.

Me: That's because I want someone to be the one.

Anthony: Why?

Me: Because...it'd be nice. Not to have to do everything alone.

Anthony: You idealize these guys into being people they're not. Maybe Mario was great when you first met him but he certainly wasn't like that at the end. You wanted him to be that same person, but he never was.

Me: (head bowed in shame) Guilty as charged.

Anthony: And John. Please, don't waste your time. You're never going to be what he wants you to be.

Me: I know.

Anthony: So why feel bad about it?

Me: Because I'm alone again.

_________________________________________________

....and very unhappy with everything. Namely myself. I'm not sure I'm on the right track anymore. I need to reassess.

That's where I'll be.

Don't forget to congratulate the happy stinking couple. I hope you and your big head have a nice life filled with aerobics and jazzercise.