Packing!

It took 2 days, 3 judges and a whole lotta downsizing. One thing I'm not very good at is packing lightly. 5 days, to me, is the equivalence of 5 months. I like to be prepared. If it's going to rain, I want rain clothes. If I have a chance to wine and dine with Billy Joel, I want to be ready. If it's the end of the world? Well, in that case I MUST look fabulous. And if fabulous is trekking everything I own through the Florida airport, so be it.

I'm also really great at exaggerating. I picked out 5 main outfits for 5 days there. A few extra shirts, not enough shoes and a great bag for each outfit. Each pair of pants also has a specifc underwear assignment that I keep track of through my clothing Rolodex. For example:

Floridian Meteorologist: Hurricane Zelnorm has just hit.

Me: (grabbing my Rolodex out of my bag) Hurry! Mario! Quick! Find me SanFransisco tent pants and H&M $4 perfect black shirt! (#3!)

And just by looking under T (for tent pants) it gives the underwear listed that MUST be worn underneath.

It was just an example. I really don't think thats what I'd like to be wearing during a hurricane. Something more in the likeness of an adult diaper, adorned with a decorative brooch, perhaps.

Here I was thinking that seeing Mario was the big deal. Packing was obviously a bigger ordeal. Seeing him again will just be another walk in the park.

Ha. I actually believed that sentence for a second.

Wish me luck.

See you all in a week!

 

This Flight Tonight - Joanie Mitchell

Look out the left the captain said
The lights down there, that’s where we’ll land
I saw a falling star burn up
Above the las vegas sands
It wasn’t the one that you gave to me
That night down south between the trailers
Not the early one
That you can wish upon;
Not the northern one
That guides in the sailors

Oh starbright, starbright
You’ve got the lovin’ that I like, all right
Turn this crazy bird around
I shouldn’t have got on this flight tonight

You got the touch so gentle and sweet
But you’ve got that look so critical
Now I can’t talk to you baby
I get so weak
Sometimes I think love is just mythical
Up there’s a heaven
Down there’s a town
Blackness everywhere and little lights shine
Oh, blackness, blackness dragging me down
Come on light the candle in this poor heart of mine

Oh starbright, starbright
You’ve got the lovin’ that I like, all right
Turn this crazy bird around
I shouldn’t hove got on this flight tonight

I’m drinking sweet champagne
Got the headphones up high
Can’t numb you out
Can’t drum you out of my mind
They’re playing goodbye baby, baby goodbye,
Ooh, ooh, love is blind
Up go the flaps, down go the wheels
I hope you got your heat turned on baby
I hope they finally fixed your automobile
I hope it’s better when we meet again baby

Starbright, starbright
You got the lovin’ that I like, all right
Turn this crazy bird around
I shouldn’t have got on this flight tonightUntil then...

CHEERS!

 How to make a Marissa

Ingredients:
3 parts mercy
5 parts crazyiness
5 parts ego Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add wisdom to taste! Do not overindulge!

What cocktail are you?

It Can't Come Quickly Enough

Believe it or not, no complaints today.

In only 6 days I will be landing in Florida though it seems more like landing on the moon. I forget which.

Mario.

Wow.

I've waited so long for this and I find myself wishing it all to go by faster, when I know I should be savoring every second, holding onto it with a clenched fist. And I can't help but wonder if it was better not knowing.

I want to know what this was all for. If it was all worth it. And to get that "near kiss" for real this time. God, it's been too long...

My picture of forever may be shattered. To which I can pick up the pieces and start with that proverbial clean slate. Is it wrong to want a dirty slate? One with marred with mistakes and no pride and little inflections of broken hearts? To over-indulge my id and milk everything until it's dry?

I want drips of water that turn into cascading diamonds.

The Late Debate

I knew the joy expressed in the previous entry wouldn't hold over for too long.

And although it's spring break, I find 4 HUGE papers looming over my head like an unpleasant Looney Tunes-esque storm cloud. I've lost my focus. I told myself earlier today that if I took on one paper per night, I'd be done by Thursday and have plenty of time still to pack and finish up in my room. But here I sit, typing another generic journal entry. Once upon a time I had a knack for this sorta thing. Once upon a time my entries didn't suck. Rar rar rar rar rar!

I don't know if it be the il stresso majoro I'm under or the too many beers I consumed nearly a month ago but things are not right. I'm not sleeping and I am late. (No, Marissa! You're right on time!) NO I'M NOT! (Kathleen, maybe we'll have to make a trip to Steve Madden Jr. together!)

I am so voting myself off the Marissa Island.

I <3 SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!

It's finally here!!!!!!!!!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am ELATED!!! (and that don't happen often!)

But it's not even for just one week!

TRY TWO!

Two? Yes! Two!

I decided not to waste my spring break by going on vacation. So I'm going the week after. That and SOMEBODY has their spring break the week AFTER mine. So, I decided to be flexible.

Where am I going?

Hmm...now I've kept this a secret for quite some time...but now I'm ready to let you all in on it...

Mario:  yeah... get your ass down here and see me, i'll pay for the ticket

 

Well, that's ALL I needed to hear! FLORIDA HERE I COME! Mario, make room! Me and my glorious shoe collection shall be arriving March 28th in the a.m.!

Enjoy this HAPPY entry for as long as you can! I'm trying to savor every moment...

The tests, the studying, the endless papers.....ALL DONE! For 2 weeks! DONE DONE DONE!!!! (except for the research paper and 25 page play due when I get back...)

But until then! FLORIDA! MARIO! BEACHES! SHOPPPPPING! ORANGE JUICE!

IT'S SOOOOO GOOOOOD!

I don't know if it's ALL the coffee combined from the last 3 days in which I slept a total of 7 hours thats got me so high or that my mom is blaring Boys II Men in the kitchen, but damn! I feeel good!

Did I mention I've also :

1. finished my room (pictures soon to come!)

2. worked 30 hours

3. made plans for a dinner party at my house tonight!

4. made GREAT work friends.

5. written 3 papers in the last 2 days

6. study and took 2 tests within 2 hours this morning

7. lost 7 pounds :( 

8. traded in my winter wardrobe for a springy one!

9. phonicated

10. visited Anthony

11. paid $2000 for my Italy trip

12. put in my application for graduation in May! DONE DONE DONE!!!!!!!

13. got a Measter Bunny costume for Saturday's Free Family Fun Event!

14. got rid of clothes and (!!!) SHOES! *gasp*

15. I'm HALFWAY DONE WITH SCHOOOOOOOL! 9 more weeks! And I am  FREEEE FREEEEE FREEEEEEEE!

 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

'tis grand!

to say the VERY least.

 

*jumps around*

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

release me.

It's not even worth it anymore.

new music to die to.

Beck - The Golden Age 

Put your hands on the wheel

Let the golden age begin

Let the window down

Feel the moonlight on your skin

Let the desert wind

Cool your aching head

Let the weight of the world

Drift away instead

These days I barely get by

I don't even try

It's a treacherous road

With a desolated view

There's distant lights

But here they're far and few

And the sun don't shine

Even when its day

You gotta drive all night

Just to feel like you're ok

These days I barely get by

I don't even try

 

If you play your numbers just right...

My ability to fish for words has again failed me. I feel they can do no justice anyhow. It's not common for me to feel this way and part of me wants to share it, to show everyone that I am not completely owned by feelings of despair. But at the same time, it's mine. This unbelievable feeling. I want to hold on to it as long as I posssibly can, until that too is broken and lost in the rug.

 

Amazing.

Another Wednesday

So here it passes me: Another Wednesday! Finished! Woohoo!

Why so excited, you ask?

Wednesday's are crappy days. 9 a.m. class days. Lab day. Nothing makes me crankier. 'Cept maybe crashin' my one-week-old car! Into a NO PARKING sign!

Ooops!

I have $600+ I would LURVE to spend on that. Red paint is the most expensive, you know.

Got my itinerary for mia viaggia to my homeland today. And a whole list o' rules for the obese, obnoxious, blood-sucking Americans! Complete with a "what not to wear" list! Apparently the Pope doesn't like looking down the sweaty cleavage of the said American women. Makes his throat dry or something, I suppose.

No shirts with American words on.

No talk of the President.

No skirts above the knee.

Shirts with sleeves.

And a few of my personal faves:

Carry travellers checks in a money belt. You WILL be pickpocketed.

Don't get drunk.

Keep American visibility to a minimum.

Alright, that one stumped me. I called upon Jeopardy champ Brian to dumb it down for me. "It means don't act American."

Looks like I'll have to unpack my Kraft Mac & Cheese! Aw, snap.

Had a nice night at work tonight. I waited on less than 10 customers in a five hour period. So I sat on the bench and read A Streetcar Named Desire on which I will be writing a little ditty about for class Friday. Wonderful.

Wait. I know something more wonderfuller. I think it's is WONDERFUL that work decided to not schedule me my usual 25 hours next week. Instead, I got 30! Including dressing up as the Easter Bunny for 8 hours next Saturday at our FREE FAMILY FUN EVENT! Stop by! Take pictures! I'll make you balloon animals in between egg hunts! (...is that sarcasm I smell? It's certaintly not Easter spirit...)

The girl I work with that's running it asked me to do it. "You're so cute and peppy, you'd be great."

How could I turn that down? I love when people other than myself recognize the fact that I am undeniably fabulous. The only glitch? I DON'T LIKE KIDS! OR EASTER! AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE BALLOON ANIMALS!

This ought to be good.

Wee Child #1 - "Easter Bunny, will you make me a giraffe?"

MEaster Bunny - "No. But I will make you a worm! Here you go! Don't forget to blow it up!"

 

But alas, homework calls.

(   I actually ate cabbage earlier and I think its on call waiting :)   )

 

Early Morning Swan Song

In honor of coffee being my favorite thing ever to wake up to on those mornings I am forced to get out of bed unwillingly for a better future, here's yet another edition of Marissa's Unofficial Incomplete List of Fabulous Things. (Funny how I say "yet" and I think there's only one or two others.)

1 - COFFEE.

Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts, home-brewed...I don't care. It's caffeine infused ground bean goodness is the only thing I look forward to on these neverending snowy mornings. It's hot and it's a pick-me-up for my dragging ass. What I wouldn't do to that Columbian guy...and his horse...

2 - MY KONSTANTINE

I thought I'd get over this song and get sick of it, but I really can't. I don't know what I love more; the fact it tears my heart out each time I listen to it in it's 9+ minute entirity or that it's my token 'eclectic' song. Either way, it's my morning mourning song. (And I am convinced the word morning is just for that; 8 o'clock is an ungodly hour, even for a god like myself. Start your day off the holy way!)

3 - AMERICAN IDOL 

I have to admit, before this season, I never saw what all the fuss was about. To me, (and sorry Jennifer) Clay Aiken and Reuben were equally nothing to get my panties in a bunch over. However, this season, they got rock band front mans! (I am FULLY aware 'mans' is actually 'men'. I'm earning my degree. You don't know me!)   These "manties" would love a piece of Constantine Maroulis!

4 - DIGITAL CAMERAS

So I've had one since Christmas. Never touched it. Until it touched me...*sighs* It's beautiful! Since I fell in love with it no more than 4 days ago, I've taken 100+ pictures of nothing but me. I <3 it. But what I love even more than that, is threatening my coworkers with pictures of my ass in their inboxes! What I wouldn't give!         E-MOONS!

5 - BRATTY SISTERS

I know what you're thinking. "Marissa! How can  you bethankful for an ingrate for a sister?!" It's not easy, trust me, but sometimes there's nothing more gratifying than sitting back and enjoying a nice piece of fruit whilst she throws a hissy fit. Case and point: My sister, being a conniving little wench, switches her broken phone charger with mine, the not broken one (broken and not broken being the operative terms here). Well, nedless to say, with my sleuth-by-nature ways, I find out. And I do what any other Barnaby Jonesette would do. I switch back! Ha! That ought to teach her!...It doesn't. She storms in my room in likeness of Hurrican Charley to Florida. AND THROWS HER OWN BROKEN CHARGER AT ME! Gah! I didn't know the terrible-two's were also the terrible twenty-two's. The next day I awake to find a brand new phone charger thanks to dear old dad. I get a brand new charger. She has my old one. I get satisfaction.

6 - THE HOURS

Not  much to say. The most beautiful movie ever made. If my eyes were a movie projector this is what you'd be seeing. What I see.

7 - CONVERSATIONS

In order for a conversation to be just that, you must first gain and hold my attention. And it must surpass the "bullshitting" stage. I want to walk away feeling like I got something more than spit on my face.

8 - DADS

I know, I know. Two family shoutouts? Unheard of! The reason Dad made it to the Top Ten is for his daddliness. Not only did he bring me coffee ( <3) but he cleaned ten pounds of snow off my car in the frigid weather! I have the Dadipus Complex.

9 - PEOPLE FALLING IN PUBLIC

Do I really need to explain?! Hilarity almost always ensues.

10 - LED ZEPPELIN

I feel the need to somehow redeem myself after mooning over Something Corporate for months.

Of the Asian Persuasion

So I Stole This from a Friend of a Friend (but its ok cause she's asian  ) HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AMBER! You're not Asian!

-Your Porn Star Name - (Name of first pet + street you live on): Fluffy Farmington

-Your Movie Star Name - (Grandmother's first name + favorite snack food): Beverly Peanut Butter Tree

-Your Fashion Designer Name - (First word you see on your left + favorite restaurant): Quick Start Chowder House!  (Specializing in freshwater fashion! Found in your mall's aquarium!)

-Your Fly Girl/Guy Name - (First initial + first three letters of your last name): M FIO, biyatch!

-Your Detective Name - (Favorite animal + name of high school): Duck Proctor  ( I will look ANYWHERE for clues!.....anyone get it?)

-Your Soap Opera Name - (Middle name + street where you first lived): Lyn Farmington

-Your Rock Star Name - (Favorite candy + favorite musician's last name): Mr. Goodbar Joel!  (They don't call it a "goodbar" for nothing!)

-Your "Popular" Name - (Favorite celebrity's first name + best friend's street name): Ken Jefferson

-Your Opposite Sex Name - (Name of [opposite sex] friend + cell phone company you use): BRIAN VERIZON! (it's got a nice "ring" to it, no?)

I can't get through...

I love how that my inability to create anything worth reading I can easily blame on the fact that I "can't find the right ones to use."

It's so easy.

There's only infinity words.

I can just make up my own to describe how I am feeling and it should get the point across fairly well. If you know the language, that is.

But instead I will leave you with a song.  But only because I'm growing more and more bitter as 11 o'clock tomorrow morning is rapidly approaching, thus commencing 8 hours of servitude to the crafting community.

 

"Both Hands" Ani DiFranco

I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan
of the dial tone again
and I am getting
nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get through...
the old woman behind the pink curtains
and the closed door
on the first floor
she's listening through the air shaft
to see how long our swan song can last
and both hands
now use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing
graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of
how hard we tried
I am watching your chest rise and fall
like the tides of my life,
and the rest of it all
and your bones have been my bedframe
and your flesh has been my pillow
I am waiting for sleep
to offer up the deep
with both hands
in eachother's shadows we grew less and less tall
and eventually our theories couldn't explain it all
and I'm recording our history now on the bedroom wall
and eventually the landlord will come
and paint over it all
and I am walking
out in the rain
and I am listening to the low moan of the dial tone again
and I am getting nowhere with you
and I can't let it go
and I can't get though
So now use both hands
please use both hands
oh, no don't close your eyes
I am writing graffitti on your body
I am drawing the story of how hard we tried
hard we tried
how hard we tried

 

I hate this.

Marissa Spielberg...

It's catching up with me.

I've been too busy to remember how sad I am. Hm.

And it's obvious. Here it is, 3 o'clock in the afternoon and where am I? Still in bed. Even with work nudging itself closer and closer with it's paper mache head.

I've neglected classes, homework, finishing my room and personal hygiene even, to either A.) sleep or B.) revel in wonderful conversations.

Somehow the latter means more to me than a paycheck. Apparently that's a sign of some disfigure in my American genetic makeup. Watch out! Someone doesn't want to earn a living! How do I have to earn my life?! It wasn't my idea to be born. A million percent of the time I wish I wasn't.

You know what I hate? That the world wouldn't stop turning if I wasn't here.

I hate that.

I don't even like my job anymore. In fact, I despise it. Maybe it's because I find it horribly unnatural to work 8 hour days. My time is precious, my moments numbered and whose to say I want to spend them working? Not even for myself! I'm a slave to other people! Me having a job benefits me no more than a gay man in a fish shop. I'd rather have time than money. Is that wrong?

My big thing lately has been learning to let go of things. I let go of my old room. I let go of old memories of friends. I let go from holding on. Except for the one thing that I need to learn to let go of the most. Funny, how that is.

I've been living with a puncture wound in my sanity and under a severe impression that life could be like the movies. And it's stupid, I know, because I know movies are just glorified representations of our ids and how it could be if...

It's wrong to want, I know. Movies are all around me. Scripts and lines and actors and plot twists...it's hard to feel like I'm not a face in the background although I'm very much present on centerstage.

Aren't movies like drugs? You watch them to get away from "real life" ? The way a drug addict uses crystal meth? Escapism. It's unescapable.

What am I escaping from? Mostly, myself. I have finally found my knack, ladies and gentlemen. I'm great at fucking everything up. If you want your world torn apart or spaghetti stains on your carpet, I'm your girl. Watch my fabulous facade turn into dust and fall to the ground in little silvery shards. Ha, who woulda thunk it?

Not being afraid of being alone can only be true as long as I hold on to what never was.

Let the credits roll.

 

10 MORE Things I have done that you haven't.

11 - Three words: Text Message Sex.

 

Ok, so I lied. Just one more thing.

 

ulysses s. gRANT

I don't believe I will ever see the day that something is easy.

Take for example, this afternoon.

La ti da, Harley and I are driving down to the US Post Office to go get our passports for our voyage. We get lost.

Oh wait, there's more.

We get there, our $92 a piece in tow, and find out it's actually not $92. It's $85 for the actual documentation. Greeaaaat. AND $12.99 for the pictures. Funny, when I called, it was only $92. Now this woman was telling me it's $97. Talk about inflation.

My reaction? "$12.99 for a picture?" (I lean over the counter top and look into the back where the said photographer supposedly sits. "Who do you got in there? Fuckin' Monet?"

The woman behind the counter was an absolute horror. "So are you two in for the picture or no because the guy is literally leaving in like 5 minutes, so get your move on." Bitch, get your Midol on, don't take your rag out on us.

Did I mention that passport prices go up on the 8th? Yup. $12 more. So let's see here. Let me find some time to go to the Post Office, which isn't anywhere near my house, is only open 9-5 Monday through Friday, while going to school full time and working 25 hours a week.

Oh, I know. I'll go on my next day off. Next Tuesday, perfect. I only have class from 9:30 - 7:15. Hmm, whats the date next Tuesday? The 8th? Why does that date sound so familiar? What's happening then? Isn't the price of something raising...hmm...ah, yes! Passport prices!

Sooooooooooo....

Drop Harley off and head home, infuriated and not using any caution while driving. I went 45 through a 15 school zone. Rar rar rar rar rar!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN

The most absurd looking vehicle pulls out in front of me.

How does one drive an absurd vehicle, you ask?

When someone has 2, count 'em 2, American Flags raising from each window, the car is considered absurd.

If you are so patriotic, do something more productive to display it, like shoot the President. Fuck wearing it on your car. It doesn't say you're proud to be an American, it says you're a fucking idiot.

As I sped around him I was blinded by a little thing called sunshine. Something we don't see much of around here in Upstate NY. When people think of sunshine, they think of warm...it's like Bert & Ernie. Except that no, it's not. Try 20 degrees with a windchill of -INFINITY.

Shoot me now, war hero, please.

When pigs fly...

 

I know, I know. Six days and no update. What the hell has Marissa been up to?

For starters, I moved EVERYTHING out of my room and painted my dingy old mint green walls a very obnoxious orange and have been residing on the lovely couch provided to me by my parents. I never thought the word stiff was bad, until I awoke the next morning, that is.

I finished my first round of tests at school and did suprisingly fabulous, despite my crumbling ambition which paralyzed me the first few weeks.

I found that by keeping busy I have not allowed myself to spin too far out of control. However, I can only refurbish my room for so long. I must find something else! Perhaps I will build a shed! Or a picket fence! Or a mosque! The possibilites are infinite!

Work has been a little tough these few days. I was up for promotion, but I turned it down figgering I wouldn't be able to juggle 30 hours on top of school, but little did I know that they'd schedule me 25 hours anyway! After weeks of getting 12! I could use the money though. Italy aint cheap. My work buddy Tracy got a new job and left me there with the Lindsey Lohan cheerleader lookalike. I could die. I must remember to not kill her. (...as I get out a piece of red string...no, make that twine.)

I also went on a journey to find some new music and caught THE CLASH from Brian. Here's what else I caught: (and by caught I mean downloaded)

"America" - Paul Simon

"Are You A Hypnotist?" - Flaming Lips

"Both Hands" - Ani DiFranco

"Counting Blue Cars" - Dishwalla

"Fall to Pieces" - Velvet Revolver

"Flight 601" -Fenix Tx

"Globes and Maps" - Something Corporate

"Hate To Say I Told You So" - The Hives

"Highway 61 Revisited" - Bob Dylan

"I Love How You Love Me" - Beth Orton

"I Love Rock and Roll" - Joan Jett

"I Want You" - Elvis Costello

"It's Hard to Say" - The Used

"Just Like Heaven" - The Cure

"Konstantine" - Something Corporate

"Last Dance with Mary Jane" - Tom Petty

"Life is a Highway" - Tom Cochrane

"Mother" - Pink Floyd

"Oh What a World" - Rufus Wainwright

"Personal Jesus" - Depeche Mode

"Piece of my Heart" - Janis Joplin

"Police and Thieves" - The Clash

"Pour Some Sugar on Me" - Emm Gryner

"Sowing the Seeds of Love" - Tears for Fears

"Existentialism on Prom Night" - Straylight Run

"The Boxer" - Simon and Garfunkel

"They'll Soon Discover" - The Shins

"Turn the Page" - Bob Seger

"Untouchable Face" - Ani DiFranco

"Voices Carry" - Til Tuesday

"What Happens Tomorrow" - Duran Duran

"When the Day is Short" - Martha Wainwright

"Worn me Down" - Rachel Yamagata

"Worry Rock" - Green Day

"You and Me" - Lifehouse

 

I'm still looking for more. Give it up. Who are you listening to?