I don't know how to start this thing. I don't know how it's going to end. It will probably give me some sort of temporary relief, though when I go back to reread it i will feel awful for typing such shit. Especially when I have a buttload of homework to do.
But that's one of the problems. School. Come on, Jennifer, I need some advisement here. Tell me there is a GOOD reason why I'm going to school. Tell me it means something. Tell me there is a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Tell me not to skip classes. And while you're at it, go ahead and tell me that I'm one of those students you hate. :( You know the type...hates morning classes...complains... And for that, I'm really sorry. But forgive me, I'm a 19 year old. I am lost and in the waning phases of an identity crisis. How I hope I find myself soon. Anyone out there wanna help me look?
I know what makes me somewhat content and what doesn't. You'd think that I'd just fill up all those unpleasant times with something I enjoy doing right? Wrong. I am a masochist. It's easier that way. And I'm one who believes that there's nothing wrong about doing things the easy way. It's completely commendable. Would you really drive through rush hour traffic when you wouldn't have to? Didn't think so. And don't give me that "it will benefit you later..." crapola. I am the proud owner of an ID.
Cut the strings on the whole Mario thing again. It's just not worth it. He was just an idea I once had. A memory so infused with idealisms and romance-laced dreams that became nothing but more corrupt each time I spoke of him. I doubt he ever really came out and said he liked me, I just twisted his words in my head to make it sound that way. That's what I do. I only hear what I want to hear. But thinking back, I never heard Marissa from him. I hate that we spend our whole lives looking for love and when we find it, we have to spend our whole lives getting over it. It just doesn't seem okay to me. I'm going to walk away from that whole love thing. I'm headin' back to Bittertown USA, population me and Anthony. No wait, looks like it's just me.
Girlfriend's diet has been nothing short of raunchy lately. (For those of you who don't know I have an alter-ego, Girlfriend, and I talk about her in the 3rd person.) I found myself peeling the shell off of a lobster last night, circa 11:30 pm. Worshed it down with a lil' spaghetti, followed bya flood of cranberry juice. What's not to love? I'll tell you whats not to love. Girlfriend's got some Bittertown Handles. And if you all aren't clever enough to get that, allow me to reiterate. Love = Bittertown. Love Handles = Bittertown Handles.
Did I mention Italy trip is all set? They're shippin' me off 2 days after my birthday. For those of you who don't have it marked on your calendars, that would be May 31st, seeing as how my birthday is the 29th. So buon giorno, bitches. Actually, the first 4 days are in Switzerland and I really have no idea what language they speak there. The 5th day we make it up to Florence, where we're staying for the next week. This trip is also punctuated with a hint of Germany. Gon' get me some bratwurst, if you know what I'm sayin'. Did I mention where the layover is?
Anyone ever heard of Paris?
Mmm.
I'm thinking about wandering away from my group at the airport and just running away and becoming a mime. That way I can wear cute striped shirts, lots of makeup and not mess up ze French language without being criticized for it. However I'd be at greater risk for becoming a possible terrorist threat. After all, it's the quiet one's you've got to watch. (Seriously. Whoever heard of a mime hijacker? NO ONE! Because mime's don't talk! How could someone hear it?!) <---I am elite.
Sleep is the only thing on my mind. You know, aside from everything else on my mind. That being said, the above statement has nothing better to do than to make sense.
2 comments:
First of all, my violin is playing over your exile to the old country. Damn. What a shame.
And I am not gonna give you no crap advertisement for why you need to stay in school. You are having an identity crisis. That's obvious. I thought you read MY entry and the path to the "rest of your life."
I knew I didn't want any part of school at your age. And so I didn't go. Pissed the family off. Too bad. I knew it wasn't for me. Then. It took a few years working slave labor for slave wages and squandering in never-will-be-nothing land to realize the only ticket out was through an education. But by then I was ready, so I knew what I wanted (although I didn't know where I was headed) and I knew to appreciate the opportunity I was being given.
This is nothing I don't tell my own students. Some are just not ready. They need those years to find their legs, no matter what mommy and daddy tell them. I would much rather see someone sit it out a few years and go back ready and with direction than go, just because they're supposed to, and fail, which makes going back even that much more unlikely.
But you want a GOOD reason to go to school. Cause an employer somewhere will treat you with much more respect and pay you a hell of a lot more WITH a degree than without one. And it don't matter what degree. That's crap, but it's the truth.
Any questions? ;o)
~~ jennifer
oh Marissa...
Im graduating in a few months and I still can't tell you why there is a good reason to go to school.
But I am crabby and depressed right now, ask me again in a few weeks...
(I probably still won't have an answer, but at least I can fake it through a smile and clenched teeth)
Kathleen
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