sad | the cranberries
Everytime I go to write something I backspace it. I'm never pleased with just rambling...I don't have a specific direction for this entry...or life.
Warning: Rambling Ahead, Proceed With Caution.
- Everytime I get enough motivation to go look into a college that I may be interested in, I feel like I've been kicked in the lungs. I know it doesn't have to be that big of a decision...it's not like I'm...picking out a college. Hmm. That old adage seems to have failed me this time. I went to a friend for advice, but found it more unsettling than anything.
Friend: "Having a Bachelors degree doesn't ensure you a good job anymore. A Masters does."
'Spose I didn't realize the shelf life of a 4 year degree. Whats next? Can't be a janitor until you have a PHD? Gimme a break.
For a long time, it was the money that bothered me about going away to school. I've always planned on going to a state school since its cheaper (and since my parents spent my college fund on my brother and his inconvenient lifestyle choices) and I even got accepted to the one I thought I really wanted to go to. But I went and visited and hated it.
My friend goes to a University that I really liked when I visited. Trouble is, it's well over $30,000/year. And as much as I would LOVE to be in debt the rest of my life with a yellowing piece of parchment saying I've had the proper training to sit on my ass in a cubicle all day and get paid for it, I still cannot get myself to get the ball rolling here. I applied once two years ago and got accepted, I just have to reapply now and send my transcripts and $40 for some unknown reason. This education bullshit is really quite the expensive ordeal. If you ask me, I think it should be free for everyone so we all have the equal opportunity for the same good ol' American education. But that would mean that everyone would be the same. And there's always some prick in the group that has to be better than everyone else. Ladies and Gentlemen, Capitalism.
But I digress.
Soooo anyway, the thing is...do I dig myself an early financial grave by going to the school I really want to go to (basically for the atmosphere) that doesn't have a strong concentration in my intended major OR do I suck it up and go to a crappy state school that hasan alright department in whatever it is I decide to do with my life (because you have to define it early on...is there a major in LIVING? Because that's all I really wanna do with my life) ?
How do I even go about trying to decide what I want to do? I know the first and foremost important thing to me is travel. Do I want to be a stewardess? Negatory. How about a travel agent? Nope.
I'm not good with computers, I could care less about the stock market, I hate children. I like antiques, food and art. I've taken the computerized tests that give you different options of which career path to take. My dreams of becoming a professional cabinet builder have been shattered by the wretched truth that I am not a skillful craftsman.
And working in a craft store isn't exactly rewarding. If the only other option to being treated by customers as a slave to retail is going to school, then so be it. I'll go to school.
In speaking of retail (did somebody say Hell?) when did the entire world get their panties in a bunch? Okay, maybe not the entire world. Just the crafty sector. And when did it become okay to yell at a cashier for not having a sale ad out this week? Last time I checked, a 20 year old girl in Utica, New York wasn't in charge of printing fliers for a store based out of Texas.
How insanely stupid are people? ( insert personal accounts of many here).
Stuff like that really gets to me. It's not like I want to work. Especially for people that I don't like. This isn't what I want to do. And, I'm not gonna lie, the ONLY reason I have that job is so my mom would stop nagging me about getting one.
I could live without earning a measley $8.00/hour. If I really wanted to do nothing and still have a meal three times a day and a roof over my head I'd commit a crime and become a permanent resident in the clank, resting comfortably on many fine citizens' tax dollars from their shitty jobs that leave them feeling unfulfilled and regretful of their paths not chosen.
But it's getting late and I'm getting increasingly more sad and bitter.
Day 4 is soon to follow, although I'm not sure when. Eight straight days of retail hell and crabby customers awaits me. At least it's a good reason to procrastinate deciding on which institution to sign my life over to.
Life.
Sorry I missed it. I was at work.
3 comments:
I just hope you save this entry and read it when you are 40 years old.
oh! I wish I would have thought this much when I was picking a college. I'm ego high in debt with a major that I hate, and a letter from the school saying..."oh yeah, we forgot to tell you...oops, you still need one more credit....we might (Maybe) let you do it in Florida, that won't be a problem will it?"
AH!! Anyway, I feel your rambling pain.
I say screw it all and join a group of Billy Joel groupies.
That's my back-up plan
Kathleen
Retail hell should prove to you WHY you need a bachelor's degree. And that masters degree business is BS, for at least a couple of years. The problem with the MA is that you'll be told you're OVERqualified for many positions, even though you're willing to take them.
Those student loans are a bitch, so I say, in all seriousness, go for the value of the state school, not the nonsense of the private one, unless they offer FAB scholarships which bring the cost down to the state level, which many (most?) do offer. And yes, you'll get into debt just applying; it's the nature of the beast to ensure no frivolity. Too bad the application fee isn't applied to your book costs once you've registered.
It's the degree that matters most -- then what you do with that piece of paper.
~~ jennifer
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