it'll be alright in the end

sleepy | Duran Duran "what's gonna happen tomorrow"
                "...we try not to show how frightened we are..."

rated: PG-13, Parental Guidance suggested.

I've realized that its much easier to make lists of things you want to do, things you should do...than to actually do them.

So much has been going on around here lately and I find myself becoming increasingly numb to it all. I'm losing my direction and focus...ah, what focus? Never came up with one yet. Talk about procrastination...

For a long time now I haven't been able to write poetry the way I used to. I've become a dry well, so to speak. It wasn't until recently I decided that I've just merely switched my creative outlets from a pen and paper to an online journal.

Friends are coming and going, new friends are being made unexpectedly and old friends are moving on. It's a time of change.

I got to meet Amber earlier this week. We spent 3 days together, thrift shopping, antiquing, being moviegoers, hangin' at the DUGOUT. We made s'mores, yelled at kids in the lazy river, got anal raped by a waterslide, watched Amber on Jenny Jones circa 1998, had a breakfast bbq, listened to Blink182 & Social Distortion, stunk at bowling, took pictures inside of Paul Bunyan's crotch. You know, the usual vacation stuff.

I loved her. Very sad to see her go.

There are so many things I need to do. But everything seems so pointless sometimes. I'm getting sick of work, I think I need a new atmosphere. People are getting too close, I'm becoming suffocated.

I'm also beginning to question whether or not I'm a good person. I think real deep down I am, but on the surface I'm smudged just like everyone else. Bitter and jaded.

A big part of me wishes cellphones were never invented. It's just another excuse for the general public to be rude.

I feel like I'm just passing the time, watching it go by. Waiting for something. Always waiting for something.

Maybe one day I'll stop waiting and start living.

R.I.P Sal, until we meet again... 08.02.05