ulysses s. gRANT

I don't believe I will ever see the day that something is easy.

Take for example, this afternoon.

La ti da, Harley and I are driving down to the US Post Office to go get our passports for our voyage. We get lost.

Oh wait, there's more.

We get there, our $92 a piece in tow, and find out it's actually not $92. It's $85 for the actual documentation. Greeaaaat. AND $12.99 for the pictures. Funny, when I called, it was only $92. Now this woman was telling me it's $97. Talk about inflation.

My reaction? "$12.99 for a picture?" (I lean over the counter top and look into the back where the said photographer supposedly sits. "Who do you got in there? Fuckin' Monet?"

The woman behind the counter was an absolute horror. "So are you two in for the picture or no because the guy is literally leaving in like 5 minutes, so get your move on." Bitch, get your Midol on, don't take your rag out on us.

Did I mention that passport prices go up on the 8th? Yup. $12 more. So let's see here. Let me find some time to go to the Post Office, which isn't anywhere near my house, is only open 9-5 Monday through Friday, while going to school full time and working 25 hours a week.

Oh, I know. I'll go on my next day off. Next Tuesday, perfect. I only have class from 9:30 - 7:15. Hmm, whats the date next Tuesday? The 8th? Why does that date sound so familiar? What's happening then? Isn't the price of something raising...hmm...ah, yes! Passport prices!

Sooooooooooo....

Drop Harley off and head home, infuriated and not using any caution while driving. I went 45 through a 15 school zone. Rar rar rar rar rar!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THEN

The most absurd looking vehicle pulls out in front of me.

How does one drive an absurd vehicle, you ask?

When someone has 2, count 'em 2, American Flags raising from each window, the car is considered absurd.

If you are so patriotic, do something more productive to display it, like shoot the President. Fuck wearing it on your car. It doesn't say you're proud to be an American, it says you're a fucking idiot.

As I sped around him I was blinded by a little thing called sunshine. Something we don't see much of around here in Upstate NY. When people think of sunshine, they think of warm...it's like Bert & Ernie. Except that no, it's not. Try 20 degrees with a windchill of -INFINITY.

Shoot me now, war hero, please.