THINGS THAT MAKE ME PEE

• Jimmy Carter (“It’s not just about peanuts!”)
• The idea that there was a famine over potatoes and that it’s in our history books
• When people fall
• My mother and the way she pronounces things (“haddock” and “Mormon”)
• Mr. Mackey
• People who look like other people
• My fish jokes (“What? I’m hard of herring!”)
• Church signs (“God answers knee mail!”)
• The finger quotations thing
• Anything 80’s
• When people get deported
• Conquistadors, such as Magellan and Vasco DeGama
• When things backfire
• Muskets
• Cannons
• Guillotines
• Essentially anything medieval, is hilarious
• Helen Keller jokes
• The word “pig”
• When people mess up over the loudspeaker
• When random person that I’m talking to thinks its okay to talk about sports
• Turbulence
• “Deathland”
• Cannibalism
• Peeing one’s own pantaloons
• When unenthused people wear party hats
• “Leave it to Castor Canadensis”
• The Canadian Army
• The Canadian Flag
• Referring to my Grandma on accident as “G-Spot”
• Knowing that some woman out there named her son “Evil” with a last name like Knievel
• People dressed as holiday paraphernalia