Tossed Like A Salad

I've never had trouble making friends. It's keeping them that I find I'm not very good at. After amounts of time pass I find myself weaving them out, or vice versa, in some cases.

I was never very good at being "tossed aside" (not mentioning any names but I think you know who you are.) As you can see, this gives me much animosity which is the only time I allow myself to be malicious. And to give negative shoutouts to the "nameless." (fuck you, btw)

Anyhow...

My BFF Anthony and I are holding auditions this weekend for a third party to join us in our awesome friendship. The reason we are looking is simple; He's a homosexual and single and I'm a not-so-much homosexual and single, therefore we like to go out and do our guy hunting together, which, as you probably already have guessed, is very unsuccessful considering the absurd amounts of time we spend together, the two of us, thus all men assuming both of us are off limits, so to speak. We're tired of that, so, as I mentioned before, we're holding tryouts this weekend. Anyone interested just has to fit in the guidelines (listed below) and do an interesting trick or make us laugh. It's pretty simple really.

So, without further ado, here is the criteria to be granted initiation in the BFF club.

1. You must be open to being made fun of. Alot.

2. You must be gay, lesbian or bisexual. All others will be towed at the owners expense.

3. You must be good looking. Otherwise you won't fit in with us.

4. You must have a huge appetite, for all those nights we hit up every food chain in the big N.U.

5. You must have a huge wallet. See aforementioned.

6. You must love movies. If you don't, you're not for us. Keep looking. Perhaps there's some more of your kind somewhere else.

7. You must not talk about either of us behind our backs. You will be persecuted.

8. You must have stinky feet. Otherwise you'll just be disgusted by ours.

9. All bodily functions must be embraced as beauty. Even if it comes from the booty.

10. You must be able to speak of Jeffrey Dahmer without cringing.

Auditions will be sat 12-12:30 and Sun 3-3:10.

We don't expect many people so just show up so we feel better about ourselves.