What I've been up to.

Just wanted to drop a line (not an anchor) to let you all know what I've been up to the last week and a half.

What I've been listening to: Modest Mouse, Tom Waits, Milla Jovovich

What I've been seeing: Snow, scenes from a possible screenplay I'm going to write, Anthony strip in public places.

What I've been reading: "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?" - George Carlin, "Teach Yourself to be a Madman" - Valentin Papadin, "All the President's Pets" - Mo Rocca

Who I've been seeing: Anthony as always, creepy men with cameras (see above photos) creepy men with Turkish accents (see story below), Brian at work, Crystal.

Who I've been talking to: Amee`, Gabi...missed them so much. Roland. (Remember him? Cutest boy ever. Turns out he's even cuter on the phone. If that's even possible.)

What I've been obsessing about: skiing, going to Maine, Southpark, Helen Keller jokes, my GPA, going away to school.

Current mood: Not gon' lie, I'm feeling a bit...okay, for once. It's been like that alot lately. No huge freakouts. Yet.

What I've been writing:

And the darkness is pulled from underneath me

like lace from china dishes

the depths of its bones rattling

like music to my ears

In fear of forgetting

I spoke to soon

so it's absence wouldn't haunt me

for lying

I was lost in my self

for a moment

forgive me.

What I've been living by: "Acceptance is the cure for guilt." - Gabi, "Those of you who don't find life entertaining are missing the point." - George Carlin, "My brilliance sometimes suprises me." - Myself.

Current ideas: I want to write 3 different screenplays, ideas for each which have just popped into my head. I also have an idea for a BRILLIANT stage show which I think could really work if I just put my everything into it. I also want to introduce spray-on gravy to the world, but I don't think they're ready for it. Would you use it?

Some funny stories:

The pictures above were taken one night at school while I was working the coat check room for Irish Jig Night. I was bored whilst sitting amongst the stale-smelling coats, so my boss came over with his camera and told me try the people's coats on and he'd take pictures of me. The first picture is of me in MY NEW FABULOUS COAT. It was my first splurge with my hefty paycheck I picked up after working 30 hours. The next coat won the prize of the SECOND UGLIEST COAT and was also nominated THE ONE AND ONLY FLOORLENGTH RED EYESORE COAT of the evening. He told me to look sneaky while I tried it on. The next picture won THE UGLIEST COAT as well as TOP GUN WANNABE COAT. And the last picture is for the COAT CHECK SLUTS Website. By the way, those are my new shoes. The epitome of FABULOSITY. And check out m'new nerdy glasses. I wear them to read. OLIT. (Old Lady In Training.) Working in the coat check has made me realize just how over-protective people are of thier belongings. It's insane really. It's not cold in here. Leave your coat. I would even try to bargain with people.

Me: Sir, would you like me to check your coat?

Man: For what?

LICE! Drugs! The HERPS! What do you thinnkkk?

And the people who are actually okay leaving their jakets with a complete stranger at Jacket Day Care tip very terribly. For 30 coats, I made $7. I should've sprayed red paint all over the mink or shat in one of the Starter jackets pockets. What the hell? And it's not even like I get paid to do this work! ARRRGH! I contemplated stealing them and donating them to the Goodwill. Cheap bastards.

And then I was sitting in the tiny little dark room, reading O magazine when this Turkish man approached me. I knew him from a friend of a friend and I also knew his reputation as a "creepy fuck." So needless to say, I was uncomfortable. He was talking crazy.

"I like Satan. Look, I got his name tatooed on m'arm...You ever go in a haunted house? My parents are all in to God. There house says BLESS YOU and then there's my room and it says FUCK GOD...I don't believe in God, you know. I'm crazy. Are you crazy? What are your parents like?"

"My parents are dead."

"Oh really?" Silence ensued. He wouldn't even look at me. "I'm sorry, sorry Lady." And then he left me alone.

Hypothetically, if my parents were in fact dead, why would he leave me alone? Did he think I needed time to grieve? Or was he just uncomfortable? Because that's what I was shooting for.

I don't know when I'm going to write again. I'm trying to find a moments contentment. I miss all of you guys and I miss my journal, alot, but I don't feel like I'm writing for me anymore. It doesn't feel like me and I don't feel right. I will leave you with something else I haven't written recently, its untitled. It feels weird to share this, but it's all I really have right now.

Empty pages to fill

with my shattered heart

I stain the earth with my filth

I shame the night with my presence

Take it away

The moon has fallen

beneath your breast

and I fear my darkness

may never be lit again

by your fire

Never letting go

I'm stitched in vain

with silk

to decorate translucent scars

with impending heartbreak

My sorrow.

 

My sorrow.

 

Until then...