Bitter and Sweet

 Nights that used to be filled with laughter and conversation are slowly turning into silence with cold air blowing through the reciever of the telephone, through the screen window behind the couch we sit on every Wednesday night at our cafe. It seems you've lost interest in me, in us. And while I withold that each time we speak for fear of sounding like a nag, it gapes at me more than you know. It makes me wonder what is happening to this awesome friendship we've had. It worries me that what happened in every single friendship I've had before will happen again, to us. And it wasn't supposed to. I find myself irritable and judgemental, angry and saddened at the mere sight of you. And if I did ever mention anything I would fear all calls would be pity calls, all visits pity visits. There was a time when you were happy to see me, to hear from me. I feel selfish, guilty and alone. (Except for all the annoying people IMing me asking A/S/L) You swear nothing is wrong, so I believe you. And I wonder if its me, then. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm incapable of sustaining a friendship (or a relationship for that matter.) All of the other close friends I've ever had disappeared without a trace. Maybe you will too. And another will probably come along and disappear as well (or get pregnant, get married and not want to hang out with an unmommy loner.) Sometimes I wonder about the times we said we were going to go on a roadtrip or move in together and think "God, we are so Will and Grace," but I know we aren't. We are more like Gin and Tonic. Bitter and Sweet.

I'm going to do some crooning...

I had some contact with the ex. Unfortunately I forgot to erase his name in my online address book before I sent out my Thanksgiving greetings to my online homies. He wrote back, yadda yadda yadda, I hate him. No, that's not animosity you sense in my tone, its revelation. I just never knew that he was jerk. Chances are, he always was one, I'm just now noticing. And we conclude the same chapter we've tried to conclude for 2.2 months now. Hopefully this time it stays concluded.

Thanksgiving is no longer my favorite holiday. Apparently I get nervous around the sight of food and don't eat anything. Either that or maybe it was because my sister in law's mother let one go right next to me, causing my appetite (and my nose) to seek shelter.

I think I'm going through Post Thanksgiving Partum Depression. But I'm not depressed.

Have a lovely day.

Turkey Eve

A whole day of baking pie awaits me.

10 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving, But Aren't:

10. What a huge breast!

9. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

8. Don't play with your meat!

7. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in!

6. I didn't expect everybody to come at once!

5. You still have a little bit on your chin!

4. How long will it take after you stick it in?

3. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

2. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

1. How long do I beat it before it's ready?

 

And some anagrams for Turkey and Dressing:

Redundant Grey Skis

Resident Drunk Gays

Ten Kid Sand Surgery

Kindred Greasy Nuts

Dry as Resident Gunk

Happy Thanksgiving Eve to all!

Have a lovely day.

Slowly I tread on...

Like a turtle in molasses on a hot July day. Happy Anniversary, Marissa. It's officially been 2 months of singledom and I hate it. HATE it. But, I suppose that will only make me stronger. And I'm all for that. Perhaps I WILL get the job I applied for. And maybe I WILL run into a perfectly disabled man. (I applied at a rehabilitation center as a receptionist.)  Oh sorry, not disabled, thats politically incorrect. Differently Abled, as it is now. Right?

Brace yourselves, I am going to talk about Auntie Flo. She's due in at the airport terminal around the first of December, so I'm assuming thats why my mood is a little off. She always makes me miserable when she visits. Especially near the holiday season. Bah, humbug.

My inspiration has abandoned me. I haven't written a truly good poem in weeks. Nor have I been in the mood to work on anything that needs to be done by XMAS! I have a few more gifts to make, then I'll be done. No will to do anything, really. Isn't that awful? Hopefully Auntie Flo didn't forget her suitcase or something. I can't bear waiting for her for a few more weeks. I would like to get the anguish over ASAP.

I need a mood booster. Something to look forward to. Someone to care about. Someone to care about me. Grab the elmer's, I think I need to be patched up again.

Have a lovely day.

My cerebellum is swellin...

Hello, hello. My head is aching. My heart is aching. I didn't pick up that phone *applause* Thank you, Thank you.

In other news, 2 more weeks of the semester and I did bitchingly. Yup, that's right. 4 A's and 1 B. Damn sociology.

Now, over to the freshly stapled meteorologist Al Roker. This just in, Marissa is aggravated with her barren desert of a love life. Plenty of bait, no bites. But some refreshing advice from my fellow journaling Bon Jovi listening buddy, "Why settle for chuck when you deserve a  fillet?" Http://www.journals.aol.com/absinthemnded/AbsninthemndedLogic/   My intial thought was "Who the hell is Chuck?" But after I reread it, I realized. Oh, size DOES matter. The size of the cut, that is :)

Now back to the local news. Mike #1 is MIA, I sent a search party to the sewers but no luck. All they found were 4 turtles eating pizza and playing backgammon with a rat.

And for tonights top story: What do KMART and Micheal Jackson have in common?

They both have boy's pants half off. Thank you and Goodnight.

Oh yeah and have a lovely day.

Someone Cares

HawaiianGrimAce:  u know i could go for a dixie cup of water

My Plagued Thoughts

AnthonyX found his way back to the front of my mind's tangled little web. You know, the part thats connected to my heart, thus causing my mind to race, not even stopping for a breath or a dixie cup of water. Just racin and racin, runnin and runnin, no matter what  I try. I want to call him. I don't know if its out of sheer boredom or wonder or what. I know I'll regret calling him no matter what, unless he says "Let's get back together" but that's a false hope of mine. It'll never happen. If I wasn't good enough to him then, I can't be good enough to him now. I just gave him anything he ever wanted or could possible want (including a $200 XBOX for xmas last year) but that wasn't enough, I suppose. I miss him. Honestly, I miss him. The things we shared together. All the time spent on my couch. On the phone. Driving 200 miles roundtrip to see him when I could and vice versa. He was the man I was going to marry and still the only man I could ever see myself with. I truly believe that I will never find anyone half as good as he was. But I'm talking out of my ass in a moment of weakness. I know I shouldn't call (Its been 2 months since we last talked) I'll only regret it later. And besides, if he wants me, he'll call me, right? Wrong. Like any other man thinks: the phone only works one way. If it's ringing, pick it up. If its your ex girlfriend, slam it down. The way you did her self esteem when you decided spontaneously to break off a 2 year relationship b/c you were sick of the phone. Well you know what? FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE FUCKING PHONE! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LEFT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO MOVE TO ALBANY! It all was fucked up only because of you and your need for a $13/hr job. Well what about my needs? My needs to be loved? I offered to pay you..well here's your raise, asshole *Middle Finger*

*Burps* Mmmm, nothing like a dixie cup of water. Have a lovely day.

Jeffrey Dahmer's Grossery List

No, I didn't spell "grossery" wrong, it was just a little play on words. There's was no alcohol/drugs involved, just two groggy little girls named Marissa and Amee`.

Calf moons

3 spleen asserole

Shredded feet

Penis butter and belly

2 lobes of stye bread

I can't believe it's not vertebrae

Armesean cheese

Potato foreskins

Lice cream

Scalped potatoes

Cuntry Crotch

Red spine vinegar

Stink lemonade (from castrate)

Toothdicks

Mr. Spleen

Chindex

Adams apple juice (from castrate)

Piscuits (from Peppridge Arm)

Lice pilaf

Queef jerky

Mini marshamarrows

Kid knee beans

Mike Tyson's cookbook and biography "Eating Ears for Dummies"

Lingweenie

Pantynose

Cameltoe lights

Cyclopsicles

Tums

The Observer Detach

The Wall Feet Journal

E.L. Fudgepackers

Bugar Wafers

Liquid Plumbilical

Baking choda

G Spot Run (on DVD widescreen)

Osteobiplexus

Sphincturpentine

Mop and Glonads

Turnipples

Eagle Eye frozen testicles

Multi vitachins

Chapdick

Vanilla chafers

Small vitamintestines

Salad undressing (peppercorn stench)

Envelobes

Torso Redandcocker poopcorn

Asseline

Aorta of meat (just one?)

Dial (911) soap

Choc. hip cookies

Sloppy Joes

Leg of Pam

Lucky Charmpits

Pube steak

Aunt Jemimary syurp

Papioca pudding

Crushed ice pubes

Folgerms

Wiggle's fearmint gum

Italian bred crumbilical (1 lobe)

 

Have a lovely day and steer clear of cannibals.

A Love Story Turns Sour

When I first met AnthonyX, I was definitely interested. We worked together and it was my first day on the job. He came over, introduced himself and I caught my first glimpse of heaven. He was gorgeous. Blueish-green eyes, beautiful teeth.(Dentists aren't the only ones who care.) Thus began my love for him.

Everything was perfect. Our first date, kiss...yadda yadda yadda, etc. I met his family, i loved em, they loved me. A few months later he got a job 80 miles away, and he moved away from me. Saddest day of my life. He came home every weekend so we could be together, but it wasn't really the same. We both knew it probably never would be again. A year of this, and its over.

One day, out of the blue, it was over. I was shell-shocked the first 12 hours. Then it sunk in. No more weekends. No more phone calls at 9:00, when it's free. No more of my "Tundy." (His nickname) After the infamous "its not you, its me" garbage, we hung up, for the last time.

**Editors note: For the last time b/c I have this thing we being friends after breaking up. It doesn't work, nor does it make sense. Let me call up my new friend and cry about breaking up. Forget that.

It's now been 3 days shy of 2 months. I haven't spoke to him. I'm completely over the breakup (I think for the most part) but I have to admit I do think about him a few times a day, mainly in the morning. He feels like a stranger. Like I never even knew him. Or was with him. Like that entire part of my life didn't even exist. If that were true, I wouldn't think about him the way I do. Nor would my feelings of anguish/animosity toward him still be relevant.

I'm only worried I will never find a decent guy, like him, again. Nor will I ever find any guy. I know I'm probably just being irrational as usual, but I have to admit, it seems truer and truer everyday.

That's all for now. A little too much Marissa and I get uncomfortable. Have a lovely day.

And oh yes, I saw Bobby today. He was working out. Yeah.

And then I saw your face, now I'm an unbeliever...

I'm not weird, I'm quirky. Anyone who fails to see that is no friend of mine! I'm looking for love but I feel like I will never find it again. And I most certaintly won't find it online. I'm too skeptical. Too suspicious and unbelieving. Why do I waste my time getting to know these guys who I have no interest in? Who have no interest in me? Why is love so important? So necessary in my life? I hate that. It's always been that way, too. I'm a love fiend. It's true. I'm so afraid that I will never find love that even compares to the one that AnthonyX and I shared. I know I will never find anything exactly like that or even close, because each love is unique and all that other bullshit. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm unbeliever that there actually are good guys out there. Or maybe even one. He's already taken by Jennifer Lopez. Big butted bitch.

Someone who wants to do things for me and actually enjoys it. Someone who wouldn't take me for granted and realizes everything I have to offer, instead of sulking over what I can't give him. I feel only half alive. Ask me tomorrow though, chances are I'll feel somewhat better. That's whats in the forecast anyway.

Mopey over Dopey

A new name for the cast characters:

Bobby-The biggest dope in the world. If he were 5 feet shorter he could've qualified as one of Snow White's little minions. I'm in love with the drunkard that he is. And his sense of humor is right up there with mine! Who else enjoys broccoli dots?

So it'll never happen, I know. Not. I don't know that because I think it's possible, thankyouverymuch. I do know, however, that it probably wouldn't work out anyway. But what the hell? I can still try, right? I'm so supportive of myself. I have to be, no one else is.

I'm having acute writer's block. Well, it's not really cute, AT ALL. My source of inspiration was dry today after drinking all the water in the well. And my leg hurts after working out in high heels. Not a good idea. Also not good ideas:

Tickling your Grandma

Window shopping (no not shopping for windows, either)

Listening to John Tesh. Period. (Mr. Bush, you do NOT have to read the punctuation.)

There you go. So be careful and don't do the aforementioned. EVER.

Have a lovely day.

 

High Heels Make My Day

Hello, hello. Let's see what's happening in Marissa's neck of the woods. Oh, yes. Interesting news for everyone who doesn't care about Mike #1...Mike #1 has a girlfriend and failed to tell me so. I heard from a friend. So guys, do you really think you can get away with it? Take it from the soon to be ball-less Mike #1.

Also another name to strike off the list, KilgoreTrout. The famous fisherman seems to have halted his e-mails to me, begging me to go out with him. Take it from me, if you don't like fish, don't sign up on match.com in a moment of weakness. There's some real whackos out there. And fisho's, too.

Demi Moore celebrated her 40th birthday recently, though apparently she feels like a 25 year old inside.

 

Get it? Have a lovely day.

 

Essays rain on my parade

Write an essay about a selected song/poem and analyze it and tie it into your own experience. Sounds easy, right? Well it's not.

Mike #1 and Mike #2 are out of the picture, I flushed 'em both. Actually Mike #2 wasn't really even in the picture, but it sounded strange having a Mike #1 with no Mike #2 following. But yeah, Mike #1 is flushed and is probably crying in a sewer system somewhere. Boo Frickety Hoo.

In other news, the meteorologist is dressed like a scarecrow and it appears to be cloudy. No wait, that's just his large hand. Well, whatever. Bundle up and get outside!

Anyone interested in writing my essay for me contact me at 911. Ask for Marissa.

If not, you aren't nice. Have a lovely day.

A visit from the minstrel...

An addition to my cast of characters:

Justin aka EmperorKueller aka The Minstrel- My strip hangman buddy. I lost and kept my clothes ON. A fellow Star Wars fan and egg-salad eater.

Cast of Characters

Welcome everyone...to make future entries a little less confusing, here is a cast of characters for the time being:

Anthony- my BFF(and for those who are interested, no, we aren't together and yes, he is GAY)

Amee`- a great little girl who enjoys toasted Doritos as much as I do. Nothin like some Nacho and Butane flavored chips!

AnthonyX -Ex boyfriend of about 2 months now. Unfortunately, his name has a way of popping up from time to time.

Mike Lowwwwerrrrryyy or Mike #1- Current interest. We phone date a few times a week for the last month. He's a security enforcer and I sometimes refer to him as the "human robot," because sadly, he is boring, but hot enough to hold my attention. (I'm very shallow.)

Mike #2- Like most boys, he too will soon be extinct.

KilgoreTrout- 29 year old guy who insists on sending me a daily e-mail asking me for my number. Sometimes the internet sucks. In this case, it sucks fish.

Sean- Just a buddy (or more...?) of mine. He's hot. (I'm paid to say that.)

Fi- My older sister who is shorter than me.

Richie- My older brother who gave me great taste in music.

Kelly- My sister in-law who I enjoy most of the time.

 

I will add more as they come up, so stay tuned.