Bitter and Sweet

 Nights that used to be filled with laughter and conversation are slowly turning into silence with cold air blowing through the reciever of the telephone, through the screen window behind the couch we sit on every Wednesday night at our cafe. It seems you've lost interest in me, in us. And while I withold that each time we speak for fear of sounding like a nag, it gapes at me more than you know. It makes me wonder what is happening to this awesome friendship we've had. It worries me that what happened in every single friendship I've had before will happen again, to us. And it wasn't supposed to. I find myself irritable and judgemental, angry and saddened at the mere sight of you. And if I did ever mention anything I would fear all calls would be pity calls, all visits pity visits. There was a time when you were happy to see me, to hear from me. I feel selfish, guilty and alone. (Except for all the annoying people IMing me asking A/S/L) You swear nothing is wrong, so I believe you. And I wonder if its me, then. Maybe it is. Maybe I'm incapable of sustaining a friendship (or a relationship for that matter.) All of the other close friends I've ever had disappeared without a trace. Maybe you will too. And another will probably come along and disappear as well (or get pregnant, get married and not want to hang out with an unmommy loner.) Sometimes I wonder about the times we said we were going to go on a roadtrip or move in together and think "God, we are so Will and Grace," but I know we aren't. We are more like Gin and Tonic. Bitter and Sweet.