AnthonyX found his way back to the front of my mind's tangled little web. You know, the part thats connected to my heart, thus causing my mind to race, not even stopping for a breath or a dixie cup of water. Just racin and racin, runnin and runnin, no matter what I try. I want to call him. I don't know if its out of sheer boredom or wonder or what. I know I'll regret calling him no matter what, unless he says "Let's get back together" but that's a false hope of mine. It'll never happen. If I wasn't good enough to him then, I can't be good enough to him now. I just gave him anything he ever wanted or could possible want (including a $200 XBOX for xmas last year) but that wasn't enough, I suppose. I miss him. Honestly, I miss him. The things we shared together. All the time spent on my couch. On the phone. Driving 200 miles roundtrip to see him when I could and vice versa. He was the man I was going to marry and still the only man I could ever see myself with. I truly believe that I will never find anyone half as good as he was. But I'm talking out of my ass in a moment of weakness. I know I shouldn't call (Its been 2 months since we last talked) I'll only regret it later. And besides, if he wants me, he'll call me, right? Wrong. Like any other man thinks: the phone only works one way. If it's ringing, pick it up. If its your ex girlfriend, slam it down. The way you did her self esteem when you decided spontaneously to break off a 2 year relationship b/c you were sick of the phone. Well you know what? FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE FUCKING PHONE! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LEFT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE! NO ONE SAID YOU HAD TO MOVE TO ALBANY! It all was fucked up only because of you and your need for a $13/hr job. Well what about my needs? My needs to be loved? I offered to pay you..well here's your raise, asshole *Middle Finger*
*Burps* Mmmm, nothing like a dixie cup of water. Have a lovely day.
2 comments:
I understand your anger I 've felt it. But it's not just guys whoa re like this. I've had realtionships all based on phone, ity was always the girl who couldn't go on with it. I dont slam the phoen when an ex calls i eagerly pick it up. Eben if Josie were to call right now, I wouldn't even after all the shit she put me through. No not all guys are like that. Just want to make that clear. Cuz girls sure are the same way, I dont many guys that would slam a telephone thats for sure.
Although it's hard , and you miss him...he did you a favor. You can now (when you're ready)look for the one who wont choose 13/hr over you. And never offer to pay to keep a man. That's a desperate act . Stand up girl. On YOUR feet. Walk on YOUR path , and not in the footsteps of someone who has put themself before you. You need someone to walk beside you. You will find them..but don't lose yourself in the process.
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