A RANT

9:30 on a Wednesday night.

I sit here, staring at this screen, aggravated with EVERYTHING. Mostly the popups. Any suggestions there? Anyone know how to fix that?

I have run in my stockings. My mouse is frozen on the computer screen and I'm bombarded with meaningless LOLs just to fill the silence of the little im box.

I'm in danger of failing my statistics class because the teacher is picky thus, I'm in danger of losing my 4.0. But as along as it doesn't drop further than a 3.5 I don't mind. (Yes, I do.)

I'm sick of driving my friends around. Sure I offer but not a thank you is in sight, ever. Now I know how my parents felt being my taxi for 17 years.

I'm afraid I'm becoming Woody Allen. Neurotic and cynical. Can someone really be idealistic and cynical at the same time? Apparently so, because here I am.

I wish I didn't care what people thought of me. I wish I didn't care that people think I'm a "ditzy skinny girl who shows off her breasts and legs for all to see," or a "slut." I wish I didn't care if I ever talked to Charley again. But I do. I care about these things and maybe that's why I experience tremendous anguish over trivial things.

I hate being criticized for not being on the same "level" as others. For not being "as good" or "good enough." For being viewed as someone I'm not who uses the word "facetious" instead of "sarcastic" to sound smart, I use "facetious" because I do. Force of habit maybe, I don't know.

I notice as I go on these paragraphs get longer and longer. And for some reason, in my insecure mind, I feel guilty and embarrassed all at the same time for wasting my time with this, your time with this and my journal space with this. And I know that's unreasonable, but it's how I feel.