Happy Fucking Holidays, Assholes

People park like assholes. One on one side of the street and right across from it, another. Now I know someone saw the other and yet they still parked there. That blows my mind. It literally blows my mind. I have cartoon smoke blowing out my ears.

I have friends that don't know how to use telephones, friends that talk to my relatives online, friends that think I'm needy and friends that have babies and then drop off the face of the earth. Wanna know the sad part? I bought Christmas presents for all of these people. Now it's my job to track them all down and pretend to be delighted as they open them when in fact, I just want to scream and cry and yell at them for being terrible, awful people!!!!!!!!!!

And do you want to know the worst part?

It's all my fault.

So what if one friend doesn't like calling people and gets upset when no one calls her. I should just call her if I want to talk. Simple enough, right? Sure, why not.

So what if another friend talks to my relatives online. I don't care. I don't like my relatives anway. He might as well get use out of them.

So what if another thinks I'm needy. I'm only needing things that I'm not getting, but I mean, that would  be too much to ask of someone who wouldn't give me what I wanted anyway. So again, it's my fault.

And so what if the last of the bunch had a baby and dropped off the face of the earth. Big deal. She has someone to love her and someone to love, therefore she doesn't need me anymore. But this is the only one that I can forgive. Because, quite frankly, she pushed something the size of a pot roast out of an opening the size of a nostril. So that's fine. She's forgiven.

Merry Fucking Christmas to my little bunch of friends.

Have a nice day and come back again sometime! I'm not always this angry! I promise!