Life Is Funny

I'm going nuts. I think. I'm not sure.

Don't look at me. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm uncomfortable with this life.

I'm angry and confused and anxious and a little sad, too. Also I'm curious, unsure and I feel like ripping my heart out and throwing it on the floor.

My tummy doesn't have butterflies, it has seagulls. My heart is pounding to the tune of "Come On Feel The Noise." And my knees haven't turned to jelly, they've gone to the next stage of fermentation and have turned to raspberry-flavored water, red color #40.

My hands are fidgety and I can't sit still. I need to be keeping busy at all times and I sleep until noon. My dreams are of Jerry Seinfeld in a mall and another terrorist attack that raises our country to another color of the rainbow. Red. Not # 40, just red. (If we make it to red, I will make brown.)

I've been chain smoking. I'm not even a smoker. I don't know if finishing one pack a month qualifies me as a smoker, but gosh darn it, I'm not.

*She Sighs*

Life is Funny.