I know why the caged bird sings...

Sometimes I could just throw my computer against the wall. It drives me nuts. Absolutely nuts.

So...about the whole "job" thing...

A few have come my way, suprisingly enough. I know what you all are thinking. "Marissa? A job?! Hahahahahaha!"

This is not the case.

One of the jobs...

Is in California.

Whose laughing now??

It would be for the rest of the summer. $1000 a week.

No, not prostitution. I would never. Again.

I'd be working for my aunt at her business. She owns a, get this, (Jennifer you will love this!) "The Country Pet Wash." Owners bring their precious little dogs in and wash them in the tubs, which are all inclusive with shampoos, conditioners, brushes, hair dryers. The works! It's a doggie beauty salon. They like to look good too!

My job would include washing the tubs, sweeping the floors, cleaning up the various "messes," cash registering, opening & closing up shop.

And the best part?

It's in California! Ha!

My other job begins with school. It's a work-study program in the Theater Department and I'm pretty much gauranteed a job. About $800 a semester. It's better than nothing and the work is easy. This way I can go to school, make a few bucks and not get harassed by everyone about not having a job. So there.

I went on a long walk today. So long I thought I'd never see my house again. It felt better to be outside, rather than cooped up in the batmobile. The novelty of driving has definitely worn off. Don't get me wrong, I love driving...if it's Thruway driving. Otherwise, leave me alone. I'm not into dodging traffic at rush hour around here. I'm not into crappy drivers. I can't deal with it. A few close calls definitely hindered my thoughts on local driving. It's not for me. And with that, I could care less about having a car. Sure, it would be nice for certain things, but I'm not all into paying for this and that with it. It's one of those dependancy issues. And with not havinga steady job, it's just not a good idea. And with impending transferring of colleges, it's just not practical. If I want to come home, my parents can drive the 3 or 4 and come get me. They don't mind, I don't mind. I'm sure there are buses where I'm going. And I always have my feet.

Today was a beautiful day. The temperature was perfect (though at times a little too hot for my tastes). My mother, aunt and I had a BBQ for my uncle and his wife and his 3 little kids. They were a riot. 9, 7 and 3. As I watched them pile into a minivan to head home, I knew I was nowhere near ready for anything of the sort. And then I realized I may never be. But that's a whole other entry.

My aunt is talking about putting my grandmother in a home. Both my mother and I are against the idea. My grandmother is only 78 years old, is widowed (and has been for 30 years) and has 10 children. (Yes, you read that right. 10 children!) Of those 10 children, 8 keep in touch, 3 of which live close by (including us), and 4 pay her bills for her. Oddly enough, those are the 4 who wish to put her in a home.

The idea is ridiculous to me. A "home" is not an ideal place to go. You constantly have death looming in the halls, it's just not a cheery atmosphere. It's like your own family is putting you there until you die. You are basically waiting for death. That doesn't sound like fun at all! My poor grandmother would think that we just want her gone. (And I know her and that's what she will think.) She never leaves her house as it is, the rent is pretty steep, but it's manageable, since she's lived there for over 20 years. She ventures out at least once a month, to buy groceries if she has to. Otherwise she has a meal service come to her, which is convienient, I understand, but she isn't unable to go out. She just refuses to.

If my aunts and uncles think this is best for her, they are wrong. It may be more convienient for them, but it's not suitable to her. And I agree. She's not helpless just yet. She has strong genes. Most of her relatives have died in thier late 90s and I'm sure she will too, if not outlive them even.

She's a beautiful person, despite the flaws that are constantly thrown about about her. She's not meant to be caged. She needs her own space, the way we need our own space, regardless of her age.  By putting her away, they would cage her spirits. And smother her.

I don't know. I don't want to see her there. I don't want her to be around other helpless-seeming people. I don't want her home to be in a home. Her home is where she is now. And though she never admits it, she is happy there.

'Tis enough of that for now.

On a lighter note, as you have all noticed the little torch in previous entry, I would like to thank Jennifer and Vivian for acknowledging my journal as part of AOL's close-knit little community here. I love being a part of it. Thanks for all the support and keep the torch going! Happy Anniversary AOL Journals!

Have a nice evening.