The Diary of a Slacker

 

I am such a slacker.

After sleeping nine hours, I still had a major problem trying to actually get up and start my day, mind you, I am sitting here in my skivvies sipping on my coffee when class starts in 45 minutes. Oops.

Last night I found myself unable to sleep, yet again. (Maybe its the coffee...?) So I took to reading Oprah magazine, lit some candles, popped in Milla Jovovich's "The Divine Comedy," which, by the way, is an utterly amazing cd; go here to sample some songs. (Scroll all the way down, you should see it.) Hours passed and I still wasn't finished reading all the articles in O, nor was I anywhere near sleepy. So I called one of my good friends and spent about an hour on the phone with him. By the end of that conversation, I was still far away from sleep. I just laid there in the dark, on my floor (where I've been sleeping; I do that from time to time when I get depressed) staring at my ceiling, admiring the soft green glow of my stereo's light. Milla filled the silence, but not the empty void I felt within myself, where energy and passion used to live. I somehow feel burned out, tired, slacking.

I have homework to do. Tests to study for, books to read. And somehow I just never get to it. On purpose. I hate biology. I'm failing it. BIG TIME. I haven't been paying attention in any of my classes (maybe thats because I can't afford to! Ha! Get it?!) and I have a thesis statement due by 1:00 today, yet I am still sitting here, still typing this entry, still unmotivated to get up and get a move on. What is going on here?

I feel like I'm just sitting back, being unproductive, watching time as it moves by me, as if I'm watching a train pass from a patch of grass in the field. While it's moving, it's getting nearer and nearer to its destination, and I'm just in awe of how quickly time flies by, unrealizing that I'm losing time. I'm wasting time. I'm sitting back, watching, instead of jumping on the train, moving with its rapid pace to destiny.

Maybe I'm just not ready.

Maybe I never will be.