SSS---Suddenly Single Syndrome

I'm sitting here, hours away from that dreaded milestone---one whole year of "suddenly single syndrome," or, SSS.

You know, when you're anticipating being with someone until, well, forever, I suppose, and they just cut you loose unexpectedly? That's SSS.

The "L Word" is dancing before my eyes, mocking me with all my Cinderella-bound naivete`. For so long, I searched high and dry to find that L Word and when I got it, I realized, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And now, even as I sit here, sipping on a beer, hair pulled back, clad in sweatpants and a stained t-shirt, I clasp my ringless fingers and pray to Athena, Goddess of the L Word, to not fall in love, not fall in love, not fall in love. (Three times for emphasis!)

I will take this time (and this entry space) to clear up a few common misconceptions about the infamous L Word. We, as a society, as women and as idealists, have had the burden for over thousands of years on our shoulders to find love. And through all the hardships, abuse, loneliness and whatever other ailment may have found its way into your heart throughout these times, were our fault. Sure, there may have been added pressures from other sources but the greatest sources were ourselves. And I wonder, without all of those self-induced pressures would our relationships have stood the tests of time? Would our identities as women be as corrupt as they are today?

Does being single make you an old maid or a spinster? Or is it slowly becoming okay for a woman to just love being with herself enough to be satisfied?

The past events of this year have proved the latter to be true about me as a woman, as a person. Sure, I've had my share of mistakes in these last months but I have learned to grow from them, rather than dwell on the hit or miss's, like I like to call them. Instead of keeping a scoreboard of every five mess-ups to one good, I let them go as easily as I let them happen. But of course, like many things, that is easier said than done.

The person I was a year ago is a far cry from who sits at this very computer tonight. A year ago, I didn't know my left hand from my right. I say this figuratively, of course, which in literal terms can be defined as being lost in a lonely revere that coupledom failed to advertise. But then again, if you advertised beer as "piss in a bottle," would anyone drink it? My point exactly. Today, I know who I am. I know my likes and dislikes and I know where I want to be one year from today. (Though I also realized that it's much easier to adapt than to try and stick to your original gameplan when circumstances arise and cause a MISSION ABORT! type of situation.)

I have learned the importance of me. And that there is a me outside of an us. When I feel comfortable and happy with myself, I can allow myself to be comfortable and happy in relationship, when the time comes. (Don't fall in love, don't fall in love, don't fall in love!)

In simpler terms, I can be quoted as saying, I like me. And that's the only L Word in my life right now.

And really, that's all that matters.

Raise your glasses, this is my toast.