Catchy title, huh?
I went to my cousin's college graduation party this evening.
And I couldn't help but think---God, in 3 years that will be me. Thats insane. The idea of college right now is my safety net. It's the last thing I have to hold onto (with white knuckles) until I'm left alone in the real world. No, I am not talking about that lame show on MTV...I'm talking a career, an apartment, a degree.
The aforementioned are things I have dreamt about for as long as I can remember...but as I draw nearer and nearer to it, I have never felt so far away. I am not independant. I am not career-oriented. I am not ready.
But what is being ready? Being 20-something years old? I used to watch shows like "Sex and the City" and "Friends" and think "Wow, I can't wait to have that!" And now I realize that I will not have that! I will have outstanding debts and college loan forebearances and car insuarance payments and rent and not even a desk to pile these bills on! What will I do?! My life isn't laid out like a road or a warn-in path...it's covered in weeds and dirt and is endless every which way. I have to choose which way and when and where to turn...and I must admit, it's a bit unnerving!
I know, I know. I still have some time at least. I have one year left at my 2 year college and then I'm not quite sure whats after that, although I do know I would like to transfer and finish up. But then what? Will a job magically fall into my lap? Along with a husband, a house and 2.5 kids? NO! I bet it won't! In fact, I bet I'll live with my parents the rest of my life! ARRGHHH! WHAT TO DO!?!
Someone give me some advice. My nails are all chewed up and my hair is turning gray. Goodnight.
One week and 3 hours and 3 minutes until my Birthday. Think about picking up some good future plans for me and maybe a little decisiveness. Oh yeah, don't forget the card. Probably should get one that says "I'm sorry you are 57 years old and living with your parents. Sucks to be you. It's better to be over the hill than under it!" Or something to that effect. Give me a reason to go out a buy a rope. Until then.
1 comment:
Again, thanks for popping into my journal and leaving such sweet comments. I wish I had some of that magical advice you're looking for. I think all people have gone through this period of anticipation/fear/dread at the most difficult age of 19/20. Some people think the adolescent years are the toughest. I disagree, because even those things are changing physically and mentally at the pre-teen stage, those kids still have the protective blanket of youth. The hardest thing facing a 14-year-old is getting the cute guy to pay attention. I'd take that anyday over the transition from dependent child to independent woman.
I've been where you are now, so, while this may not be worth the screen that it's printed on, it's what I believe. First off, quit worrying about student loans. Yes, they're a bother, and they seem to hang on for years, but what they've paid for is much more valuable than any car you'll ever own. Second, about school, and I mean this with everything I have: study what you love. LOVE. Not what is marketable, or seems to be. Do what you love. Otherwise you'll just be going through the motions. This is a tough time right now, but you have the time. Finish your two-year and, if you can hack it, finish a four-year degree. Perhaps a job will not fall into your lap. But maybe it will. This is so much easier for me to say than for you to do, but try to not worry about things you can't control. And until you have that diploma, your job is to obtain it.
I know it's daunting right now and probably seems so very overwhelming. But put that fear in its proper place. Enjoy the learning and the experience of learning. What will happen will happen in due course. Talk to your faculty. Talk to your academic advisor. It's important to show them how committed you are to your education, and usually they
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