While putzing around on a message board at http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/boards/ I was reading some posts that were very similar to each other, and to my own.
And I wondered what is the matter with us?
Why do we all seem to fall apart at the touch of a man? Each woman has her very own unique story, and I mine, but still, collectively, our thoughts and feelings are always the same, "depressed, distraught, broken-hearted, tired, alone..." It's endless, really.
And then I wondered, "Well why isn't there one answer for all of these questions? One piece of advice that could cure all of these women from feeling completely lost and out of control and perhaps help them to move on?" And I answered my own question.
A times, a woman's mind is like cancer. It's her disease. I know it's mine. And is there a known cure? No. And that's the worst part. Once you realize you're falling into an emotional trap, the worst part is knowing that it may take months to get out again. Not seeing the light is what keeps you in the dark. In other words, lack of hope is what holds you down from finding your way out.
I am amid this, currently, in my own, unique personal travesty and though I know I'll probably one day feel better, it doesn't comfort me now, the way ice cream hasn't worked, the way talking to people hasn't worked.
I am depressed, distraught, tired and broken-hearted and I have never felt so alone. I am one-millionth of those women, but I still feel like I'm the only one.
And who is this that I am so lonely for?
Someone I have grown to truly care for over the past few weeks. Someoe I can no longer see because of feelings I shouldn't have. I didn't ask for them, it just happened. Am I sorry? Only a little. Am I broken-hearted? You could say that.
But I wouldn't say it to my face, I'm very sensitive right now.
20 Days till my birthday. But I have a feeling it's going to turn into a pity party. And let's face it- there better be a whole lotta cake.
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