I woke up at 5am this morning in a panic. My legs were tense, I was sweating and I had tears in my eyes. I didn't know exactly what to do, so I just laid there and cried for a few minutes. I was hoping it all would pass, but it seemed to drag on forever.
I was thinking about going to see someone about it again, but let's face it, it's alot of money I don't have, alot of anguish my parents don't need and alot of medication I don't want to fool around with.
My darling friend, Amber, is going through a hard time. I was shocked to get an email from her yesterday morning saying her mother had died. My heart goes out to you Love, take care. Hope to talk to you soon.
With death, missing Mario and my phobia of Public Speaking (I had to give a speech yesterday) all on my mind, I freaked out a little bit. Thanks to Anthony and Ben and Jerry's, I made it through the day. It's tonight and tomorrow and the next day I worry about. I feel like I don't have any options and this is how it will always be for my entire life. And that is really scary. It's a waste.
My speech went pretty well, I suppose. I charmed them with my dry sense of humor and hid my fidgety hands pretty well behind the podium. I spoke for 2 minutes on my favorite subject--myself--and received applause as I covered my face with my notebook and sat in my chair.
My Dad has decided to quit his job. I'm not quite sure what this means for the family, but it has caused me a loss of sleep and knots in my stomach. My job search resumes.
My inspiration has been a dry well lately. No poetry has passed through these hands in a few weeks. And I feel like I have so much to say.
My birthday is in 4 days. If money buys happiness, I hope you find it on the Clearance Rack.
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