My Resume`

I don't do well in high-stress situations and I sometimes crack under pressure. I like to wear too-high heels and outrageous outfits. If this job requires a hairnet, you may as well fire me before you hire me. I'm good at window displays, although one time I fell out of the window display into the jelly bean display and hurt my leg, while trying to assist a customer. I get bored easily and have a short attention span. I'm very good about cleaning up and putting things in order, I even keep highlighters and reinforcers in my purse, in case of an anal-retentive emergency. I don't work well with others and I don't like to get up until 10 o'clock, I hope that's not a problem. From time to time I make personal long-distance phone calls on the company phones and pretend it wasn't me, so keep that in mind as well. I have cash register skills and can even count change back, however, if we are having some sort of sale and a poor customer does not have a coupon, I will give them one, regardless of store policy. I've been in that situation. It is not pleasant. I gift wrap and I make fabulous bows. I once made one entirely out of paperclips and staples. If I'm trying to sell something to a man, I use my breasts, though only in cases of comission. I've worked in hospitals, food prep, gift stores, craft stores and pet stores. I've swept, mopped, washed, dried, mashed, pureed and even slipped in butter once and slid into a drainpipe. I've answered phones, done inventory, set up displays and served meals. I can prepare, serve and cleanup. I can stop, drop and roll. I'm mostly on time, always dressed to the nines, hell, even the tens sometimes. I don't need many breaks, just make sure the food is plentiful throughout the day and keep toilet paper behind the desk. I'm not into those mystery shoppers, I am already a paranoid person and this just irks me, so if you could do that on your own time, that'd be great. Also, I'm not big on evaluations. I hate authority figures breathing down my neck (lest of course we are not on the time clock, if you know what I mean.) I firmly believe in dating amongst co-workers. I once dated my supervisor. For about an hour in the service elevator. Now I know why they call it the "service" elevator. Ha. Anyhow, look at the time! It's getting late and I have an appointment to get my nails done. If you are interested have your people call my people. Maybe we can do lunch? No?