Operation Optimism isn't going so well today. I think holidays were invented as a ploy to make people buy all sorts of high blood pressure and depression medications, back massagers and recreational drugs. If holidays all over America were cancelled, I'm sure drug use would be at an all time low, as well as intramural MAOIs. Communist places like WalMart and Target would be forced to close down, due to low enrollment in Christmas shopping and holiday spirit. With the elimination of holidays, the world would be a much better place. Not to mention safer for Elmo fans everywhere.
I've baked 3 of my 5 goods for the feast tomorrow. It's alot of hard work just for some quality family time, which, when you think about it, should be everyday anyway. Do you really need a butchered bird stuffed on your table to show your love and gratitude for everyone? It's silly when you think about it. Whatever happened to sending a Thank You card to show your appreciation? Who made mounds and mounds of fatty foods essential to togetherness? I don't think that's what Squanto and Gang had in mind. I think homeboy was just hungry from all the traveling. I bet somewhere down the road, holiday authorities met up with representatives from the McDonald's industry and just decided that eating yourself into oblivion would be a better way to spend time with your family. Eat so much turkey that you pass out and don't have to deal with gossipy grammies and loudmouth uncles. Thank god for those Nyquil nutrients infused in the turkey. Now that sounds like a holiday to me.
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