As you may have noticed, my font size changes depending on my mood. It's size 12 when I'm in an utter pit of despair, and it's jumps up to 14 when I'm feeling cynical, empowered or content. What I need right now is a size 13. I'm in between. Moderately on the verge of overdosing on sappy movies and Lilith Fair music and somewhat okay in the fact I'm a complete nutcase. It's 1:15. I took another day off of school. I'm not showered, my teeth aren't brushed, my bed is unmade and my mother is at my throat. I don't have it in me to tell her that I'm not okay.
Maybe it's because she'll ask why and I have no answer to give her. I don't know why.
I have a tremendous urge to throw all of my things on the lawn with a huge FOR SALE sign in front of it. Take it all, I don't need it. I want to free myself. There's one month left of school and I can safely and honestly say, I worked my butt off. Just a little bit more and one more semester to go. My deadline I gave myself on finding a school is drawing nearer and nearer by the minute. I don't know exactly where I want to go yet, but I do know that it's what I need, regardless of my convictions and apprehensions. I have also finally chosen a major. And a minor. Go me. A major in English or Journalism with a minor in Psychology. Let's see if I actually stick with that though. I know myself so well that I know not to get to sucked in in making choices and decisions and that nothing is set in stone with me, it's more like written in the sand. An unsuspecting tide may wash it all away, and that'd be okay with me. There's always something else out there.
It stopped snowing. The sun is out and the sky is the bluest of blues. But if I look far enough into the distance, I can see an enormous black cloud coming this way. Weather is funny like that sometimes.
2 comments:
I'd say a major in journalism is right up your talent alley! Especially if writing is what you want to concentrate in. The problem with so many of the English majors is the primary emphasis is on literature. Fine and wonderful, unless what you're after is to hone your composition skills. That's why I didn't major (minored instead) in English. And of the 30+ hours I had to take, only 12 of them were comp classes. With journalism the field is so wide open! Good choice of minor too.
Good luck. And I have faith that you'll stick with it. Go You!!!
:o)
~~ jennifer
Girl, just don't go to Morrisville! I'm looking at Oneonta, they have a good program if yer interested. P.S. I call dibbs on your lacy fingerless gloves
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