A Low-Carb Entry

This low-carb crap has got to go.

If I knew that carbs were remotely that bad for you, I would've stopped eating wicker furniture a long time ago.

On a food run a few days ago, BFF and I sat amid a bunch of "carb watchers" and joked endlessly about the stupidity of it all. "Excuse me, yes, is this low-carb water? Well, take it away then (shooing motions with hands) I can only have low carb water. My low carb doctors orders." Stated matter of factly. Of course this did not cause an uproar of any type. It's pretty standard nowadays.

"Smoking or Non" has now turned into "Carbs or non?" And there even is special seating areas for those on the low carb diet. It includes: every table in the resteraunt. The Non Carb section has one seat reserved in the broom closet in the back, for that one black sheep who has to be rebellious and denounce any idea of no-carb foods. It gets pretty lonely in there, I must admit. Not lonely enough to make me stop indulging in carb-filled foods that I love, though.

I feel like I'm losing BFF to it more and more everyday. He has always been "conscious" of what he was ingesting, but I catch him glimpsing at the low-carb-no-carb menu from time to time. Traitor. Benidict Anthony.

I need my carbs. I need my energy and my fat like everyone else. Don't listen to the media. Don't listen to your doctors. Listen to me, trust me. I may not be a doctor, but I'm pretty sure that it can't be that bad for you if we've been eating it forever. And lets face it, we're all going to die one day. If carbs are that bad, it'll just speed up the process. And who would want to live without carbs anyway?

Fat isn't bad. Sure, anything in moderation is good, but ditching carbs and calories and foods you love and trading it in for a heavy exercise routine daily, is pushing it a bit. Embrace your carb-filled rolls. I know I do. If you think having a little extra gut hanging over my pants stops me from wearing low rise pants you are sadly mistaken. It will not!

This carb madness needs to stop. Dieting is bogus. And of course, in the likenss of reality TV shows, someone always has to push it too far. Low Carb sodas are the "Who wants to marry my dad?" of the soda drinking world. It's just too much. Just leave it alone, it's fine the way it is. Leave yourself alone, you are fine the way you are.

I am going to chew on some low carb gum now, while I type my low carb speech and live my low carb life. Too bad I won't have any energy for some low-carb clubbing later, as I will pass out from a carbohydrate deficiency. But I must go while I'm still feeling energized. It'll only last a moment or two.

Have a low-carb day.